cycles

i think it's the second cycle of my 'year' - after several months of alcohol abstinence, i'm hitting the bottle a little bit more often than usual. today's the first day i'm not 'socially drinking' - lame as it sounds, it's just my second bottle, and i'm relishing the opportunity solo flight at mag:net. even out of sheer curiosity, i have not tried purposely drinking solo - i suppose waiting for a friend to show up doesn't count, nor does this particular time, where i am drinking solo because i attended the happy mondays poetry reading. in any case, katipunan is my comfort zone, and mag:net is a little more familiar than others.

for the most part, drinking these days is to console a friend, now, it's to reacquaint myself with some facets of the life i've neglected. writing has taken a backseat to a lot of things - whether important or inessential. i'm just trying to get my bearings, yet again :)

***

in this space away from myself, i relish the opportunity to just sit here, sipping my 2nd beer. i wasn't anonymous - in fact, ran into a number of familiar faces, but the novelty of this experience is quite addictive. for once, i decided to do something i'd always wanted to do. of course, the fact that mag:net is no longer a smoking zone is an additional pain. instead of thoroughly enjoying my beer and smokes, i'm forced to trudge downstairs just for a smoke. the band playing in the background is inconsequential, as many things are.

it is a rarity, for me, nowadays, to enjoy things alone. it wasn't easy, there was always some other temptation for me to take the easy way, be with someone and other people, instead of doing certain things alone. this is one of them. it doesn't hurt of course, that there's free wifi here ;) but none of the vulnerability - and at the very least - annoyance, that comes with drinking solo, is present here. and perhaps i've passed the stage of receiving unsolicited beers and invitations to talk - each time i say no as politely as possible, and resume waiting for my scheduled drinking buddy to show up.

now is a good time to indulge in some impromptu poetry. now is a good time to re-evaluate and try to come closer to myself.