100 questions

i'm exaggerating, of course.

i picked up my letter from DFA today re: oral exams - quite a hefty document. anyway, i skimmed through the questions and i realized that more than just coming up with an answer for them, thinking of what to say and how to say it would require some reflection on my part.

so how do i see myself in 5 years?

i guess i'll have to give it some thought. :P

*****

many memories lie buried. it's weird thinking about not having any seriously f**ked up experiences. most of the time, they glide over me. i don't actually gloss them over, after a while, i just don't feel anything particularly good or bad about them.

this is not to say that i have no fears or insecurities. i have a good number, in fact, and sometimes they are crippling in a way. sometimes i remember that i may have wasted 4 years of my life in law school, and a couple more extra figuring out what to do. or sometimes i sit back and think about the choices i've made. my choices since graduating from law school or even from college hardly live up to what i once imagined for myself. the fairly simple dreams i had of writing and maybe a life of travel got eaten up by people's expectations of me - sometimes i gave in to them, sometimes i chose to rebel. many times i feel inertia keeping me where i am, within the safety of my comfort zones, and the few times i deviate don't seem much after all.

after a while, though, these choices cease to be good or bad for me. the convenient contradiction i adhere to is simply vacillating from something i chose for myself and somehow learned from and have to live with, the other end is that things have a way of working themselves out anyway, and in the long run, these things don't matter. even i can't figure out my own way of thinking. lol.

*****

it would be nice to spend a weekend just listening to the steady rise and fall of the sea.