when did your heart go missing?

... is the song that's playing in my head. by rooney. a new wave-like song i just bummed off someone's iPod.

hmmm. it's also a good question i can ask a number of people.

people talk about being jaded as once advances in age, and i've always assumed it to be a consequence of some huge lifechanging experience that shatters one's idealism. after some reflection, i conclude that being jaded is an accumulation of everyday things, small struggles that wear you down.

t.s. eliot's "the love song of j. alfred prufrock" comes to mind. add to that dostoevsky's "notes from the underground" and you're ready to gas yourself in the oven. okay, now that was a sad reference to the news that sylvia plath's son ended his life sometime last week.

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if there's anything i've observed acutely these days, it's recognizing youth as something outside of myself. it's not that i feel like i'm actually 27, but i can certainly tell and feel the difference between being young and being young - young, if that makes any sense. i look at a bunch of college kids and i envy them for being skinny, for having relatively enough time left to make mistakes, gain weight, fall in love, make the right decisions. at the same time, i am acutely aware of things they can do at this point in their lives - things i wasn't or couldn't bring myself to do when i was in a similar place and time.

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love makes one feel young.

enjoyed a totally unexpected rainshower bath earlier today with jat at the arcade. we had lunch at LKB (lutong kapitbahay), and were on our way to the arcade when it started to rain. really hard. so we got soaked in the process, and when the rain cleared up a bit, bought shirts from maroons in SC. the horribly erratic weather shifted back to humid, and we watched US marshalls on his blackbook. had dinner at lola lita's, stopped at sunken garden. all in all a nice, relaxing day.

i can be a 5 year old around jat and we laugh over the silliest things and it's all good.

i believe that if you know and love yourself enough, you can love as much and as fully as you can without losing yourself - or whatever similar phrase you like - in the process. i'd been stupid plenty of times before, but to my credit, i've been self-sufficient too. you can't be truly happy if you don't know how to be happy alone. you have to live with yourself first, know who you are and what you want - or if you don't know what you want, know that you don't know or at least admit it to yourself.

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do i sound self-righteous already? i hope not. i have no time for people who are, though. lol.

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so, when did your heart go missing?

chuck the mac and other ramblings

I've finally crossed over to the Macbook era.

Since I want to keep mine for the next couple of years, I decided to go for the Macbook 2.4 Ghz, though the most expensive of the Macbook line, I think the specs will keep this baby steady when the next wave of updates roll in (including, possibly, the netbook).

Meet Chuck, my newest baby. :D

(Malapit nang pagselosan ni Jat kasi I am totally into discovering how it works. It's my first time to buy my own laptop - of course with Mom's wonderful credit limit, but nonetheless, I'm ready to test my discipline and financial management skills - if any. Haha)

Hehehe. Some belt-tightening for the next couple of months, but so worth it, I got a good deal thanks to Charlie Paw of Digital Walker. The touchpad takes some getting used to, but it's really nice, manipulating images, webpages, etc. with just two fingers and a tap. As for the other specs, very happy with the memory, speed and the backlit keyboard. It's definitely a laptop for keeps.

I feel productive and good to go for whatever tasks I need to do. I really loved George (my ibook), but it's been more than a year since I've been having difficulties with the speed and memory capacity. Still, we had a good run together, and gone places together (with Joe Schmo my missing black nano, too). Farewell, George, Mom will take care of ya now. :)

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Doing some freelance writing for my good friend Rench, and my sister. The best one was to imagine myself watching the premiere of Igor Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring (1913). I did my best to recreate the magic and chaos of that opening night, thanks to the riot that broke out because of the unconventional music and ballet. I not only watched a recreation by the Joffer ballet on Youtube, I also reconnected with the dinosaur sequence in Fantasia (1940) making use of the same musical piece, plus found other noteworthy musicals because of the scandal they caused.

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Work is good, possibly a political consultancy in the works.

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Finally managed to meet the creative writing deadline this time. Took the exam last Monday, hopefully will get in.

Had a long chat with a FSO friend TJ, and he mentioned the new exam rules in the website. 5!!!! Here's to hoping I pass this year, so I won't have to go through 5 next time! :O

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If things fall into place this summer, I can imagine it's going to be an interesting one. :)

RICARDO "DAHON" DE GUZMAN

I made a video of Mang Ricardo to promote his brand of music. In this video, he plays "My Heart Will Go On" and "Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da" using the leaf of a fortune plant.

Please forgive the poor editing, etc. Waaaah

In case you want to contact him for bookings, here's his number +63-927-9619897.