april has been quite eventful so far.

thanks to the requirements for the oral examination in may, i've:

• been forced to undergo a basic medical exam (just the routine stuff)
• experienced a slightly awkward and near-intrusive drug test (lol)
• gone to san miguel, bulacan (last town before nueva ecija) to have my filipiniana dress made
• been forced to brave the crazy lines at BIR for... two documentary stamps. thankfully, it didn't take long. how annoying is that?!?!?!
• gone to the DFA at least twice

thanks to my much-delayed yet anticipated application (and enrollment) in the MA creative writing program, i've:

• survived enrollment for the nth time! and next sem, i still won't know how to go about it! lol
• made the rounds of computer center (to have my webmail account updated), OUR (admission documents, ID processing), graduate studies office which is just beside the socio department (since i needed someone to explain reg procedure to me at least twice lol)
• experienced, at last, how it feels to be ancient among undergrad students (i'm taking a pre-req subject this summer)
• had some mixed emotions after learning i not only qualified for the program, i was told i'm the only one who did for my batch, so i'm solo flight 'til i meet other people.
• gone to the OUR again to have yet another ID made. and i look lousy in the pic. taba!

i'm excited and apprehensive about a lot of things. one, of course, is the upcoming oral examinations this end of may. it's a relief though that my best friend and i will be taking it together. another is, i'm also looking forward to jat and tatay's upcoming qualifying exam for the FSE as well. i haven't finished the forms i'm supposed to submit. and it's driving me nuts. lol.

i'm happy a number of my good friends passed the bar examinations, especially renchi, one of my oldest and dearest pals. i'm also happy jat is enrolled in french extramurals this sem, and we're spending the summer together.

anyway, being a student again - in an undergrad class - is both exhilarating and awkward. it's a comparative lit subject under a good friend/professor and i'm glad i'm touching base with a lot of old favorites. it's like i'm back to square one. maybe i can be good (finally!) this time.

100 questions

i'm exaggerating, of course.

i picked up my letter from DFA today re: oral exams - quite a hefty document. anyway, i skimmed through the questions and i realized that more than just coming up with an answer for them, thinking of what to say and how to say it would require some reflection on my part.

so how do i see myself in 5 years?

i guess i'll have to give it some thought. :P

*****

many memories lie buried. it's weird thinking about not having any seriously f**ked up experiences. most of the time, they glide over me. i don't actually gloss them over, after a while, i just don't feel anything particularly good or bad about them.

this is not to say that i have no fears or insecurities. i have a good number, in fact, and sometimes they are crippling in a way. sometimes i remember that i may have wasted 4 years of my life in law school, and a couple more extra figuring out what to do. or sometimes i sit back and think about the choices i've made. my choices since graduating from law school or even from college hardly live up to what i once imagined for myself. the fairly simple dreams i had of writing and maybe a life of travel got eaten up by people's expectations of me - sometimes i gave in to them, sometimes i chose to rebel. many times i feel inertia keeping me where i am, within the safety of my comfort zones, and the few times i deviate don't seem much after all.

after a while, though, these choices cease to be good or bad for me. the convenient contradiction i adhere to is simply vacillating from something i chose for myself and somehow learned from and have to live with, the other end is that things have a way of working themselves out anyway, and in the long run, these things don't matter. even i can't figure out my own way of thinking. lol.

*****

it would be nice to spend a weekend just listening to the steady rise and fall of the sea.